Click Here For Success Bewares Marketing

Hi,

My name is Bob, and you may know me from various scourges that have plagued the earth since the advent of broadband.

I was once like you: tired, overworked, chasing success 24/7 but never seeming to get any closer to it – no matter what I tried. But since I became Dark Lord Kieckhefer of the Fourth Order of Necromancers, I haven’t looked back.

And now I want to help you too.

My new life has given me a freedom I could only dream about before. Now I want that for you

I know why you’re here. You crave success but you want to skip the boring part where you actually do stuff. You’ve tried having a virtual assistant, but they need too much oversight and instruction. If only there was a way of cloning yourself, you have often joked.

That day is here.

Think And Grow Lich is the only automated system on the market today for those who want to create their own course about how to sell your course on how to market a course. This blog post is a one-time only SPECIAL OFFER: for 100% off the regular price of $5,000 you can get all the secrets without making those twelve easy payments!

I gave myself one simple goal: create the product that I would want if I wasn't already a powerful Necromancer. Think And Grow Lich is that dream made flesh - Bob.

Have you been slaving away without much reward? Are you sick of putting in all the time and effort to learn something when you could have just skipped that step? You need Think And Grow Lich.

Using our patented SkullMasque technology, we can map your flexible ethics and ruthless approach directly onto the neural patterns of your own newly raised undead army, who will then spam customers on your behalf so you can relax on the beach and write disingenuous articles about how you made your money!

Donna makes the most awesome squeeze pages, and hiring her was a breeze. They don't even lock graveyards anymore.

Soon you too will be publishing books which are little more than glorified lead-generation exercises, funneling thousands of unsuspecting writers into endless squeeze pages, like some kind of giant ClickFunnel-filled Esophagus of Doom.

One of my team, setting up a fake countdown clock for tomorrow's webinar which isn't live anyway.

Here’s the best part: you don’t even need to be a necromancer. Why bother spending a decade or more learning how to communicate with the deceased and reanimate their corpses when you can hire a ghost to do it for you?

Warning: may contain traces of regret.

23 Replies to “Click Here For Success”

  1. Yes. It is sadly funny or funnily sad and definitely TRUE. You’ve forgotten the extra special bonuses if you sign before the fake deadline and oh-so-important affiliate programme. Thanks, David. Very therapeutic! 😉

  2. Thanks for putting the time and effort into writing this piece. I just came across a new cartoon book called Slothilda: Living the Sloth Life but not I see there’s a viable alternative.

  3. Don’t forget that you’ll help all of the authors who contributed squeeze pages to label themselves “USAToday Bestselling Authors” by spending 99 cents for your copy of “Think and Grow Lich.”

    Yeah, I got those emails too. I even spent money on the “book,” which consists of 16 authors answering five standard questions.

  4. Brilliant! What a great laugh! I am reminded why I have unsubscribed from a number of author/self-publishing mailing lists—and why I chose to remain subscribed to yours. 🙂 Thanks for this great post!

  5. Great post! I needed a good laugh today, buried as I am under emails, which aren’t as funny as yours… But the Twitter link doesn’t seem to be working…

  6. You mean we have to actually work? Is that what you’re saying? Gak! I’ve been bamboozeled! When I signed up for the “barefoot writing life” I didn’t realize it meant I wouldn’t be able to afford shoes.

  7. Laughing because the email above this one in my inbox included these words:
    “Do you want to publish & receive royalties on a ready-to-publish series of Kindle books (in any genre of your choice); even though the book content, cover, keywords, description, etc is all completely done for you?
    Because that’s exactly what I’m offering to you today.
    Would you be interested in having this done for you?”
    SMH

  8. Hilarious! And unfortunately, not entirely fantastical. I run into those “create your own course about how to sell your course on how to market a course” people all the time. Thanks for the laugh!

  9. What, no “30 day money back guarantee“?? If you don’t have one of those, people will just think it’s a scam……

  10. Fun at maximum speed. Great parody of all these get rich quick by doing absolutely nothing courses. Thanks, David. I was exactly on this wavelength lately. Brilliant stuff. BTW your models have eating disorders. Time for an intervention.

  11. I’m surprised that Bryan Cohen is still part of this group. I would think he was above this petty scamfoolery, considering his association with Mark Dawson and Joanna Penn. Then again, a person who thinks charging 300 bucks a pop for writing a blurb is a normal business practice has already put greed over ethics a long time ago. Too bad Dawson keeps promoting the dude at every turn. I guess that circle jerk of affiliate money must be pretty sweet.

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